2015 was a very rough yet informative year. I am still standing. I feel better than I have in a long time. This year was a wake up call and this post is a tribute to the year and the events and people that got me through it. Buckle up. This may get long.
I started off 2015 with a goal and a blog. I wanted to be like Batman. I wanted to get in shape and become an optimized version of myself. Like most New Year's resolutions this fell apart around February or March. I kept up with the blog a little less. I stopped going to the gym as much. I ate a burger here and there. I didn't take the time to change that I needed.
At the end of April, everything changed. I was at a gaming convention with Wonder Wife. It was the first one she had ever attended. We were going to have a fun night drinking and playing games with friends. Life had a different plan in mind. We got a call from my sister-in-law that went to voicemail because it was too loud to talk. Then a little bit later we got a text. My Father-in-law passed away.
This is hard for me to say. "Passed away" seems more welcome and expected to me. This was a sudden life altering event for my family. This wonderful man was torn from our lives unexpectedly. I had only known my Father in Law for a brief time. In that time, I wanted nothing more than to be the man he was for his daughters and the rest of his friends and family. I wanted to be him more than I wanted to be Batman.
My Father in Law worked hard and put his family and friends before anything. He was stubborn and opinionated, and fiercely loyal. He had a love of classic cars that awed me. I wanted to learn so much from him that I never got the chance. I had looked forward to spending many years with him teaching my sons what it meant to be a man. He is a role model for everything that I would like my children to become and I wish I was.
The next month went by so fast that I hardly noticed what had happened with me. My start of the year was a good start. But, I wasn't taking any of it as serious as I should. I stopped taking my depression medication. I also gained back every pound I had lost. I updated my blog a little. But, mostly I felt ashamed to be updating a blog about fitness when I wasn't even trying.
My father in laws passing prompted me to plan a visit with my own father. Robin had yet to meet either grandfather. Now he would never get the chance to meet one of them. SO, we packed up the car and drove to Texas. Nightwing and I went to Dallas with my father and saw the site of JFK's assassination and went to a Rangers game. We all went to a park and we spent a lot of time at the house hanging out.
This is when I got a dose of my second revelation for the year. My dad was not present throughout my life. He was deployed, or working, or eventually, in another state. I know he loves me and my boys. But, until I had children I spoke with him maybe once or twice a year. This is as much my fault as it is his. But, I genuinely struggle to know what to say to him.
I learned this FROM him. He was always the "strong silent" type. His Father is much the same. I have probably heard my grandfather speak a grand total of 25 words in my life. When we speak now we say I love you at the end of the conversation. The first time I heard him say this I was probably 22. My brother talks to him about as much as I used to, and wouldn't speak to him for years.
My father was not at my wedding. We even offered to pay for his flight if money was an issue. It was that important to me to have him there. I never told him this. So, I guess it is my fault. My father in law cried as he walked his daughter down the aisle. It was the only time I had ever seen him cry, and my wife isn't sure she ever saw him cry before either. This difference has had a huge effect on me. It is one of the most powerful memories I have of him. I have only spoken with my father twice since I left Texas last summer.
Between the end of April and mid October I saw doctors and got blood work and check ups more than I probably have in my entire life. My wife told me that if I died she would kill me. This brought everything into focus. I resumed my depression medication. I started taking Nexium for my frequent heartburn. I started taking multi vitamins for my wife's piece of mind. I also got back to a website I had enjoyed in the past called Nerd Fitness. I updated my blog with a little admission of guilt.
I started a program from the website called Nerd Fitness Academy. It lets you do things as you need to. I followed the steps slowly but surely. On Halloween, I set an early resolution to commit to losing weight and getting healthy. I also started seeing a therapist to get my mind right. I posted on Facebook to let all my friends and family know that I might not be eating cookies and I might be carrying a water bottle everywhere I go. I got A LOT of positive feedback.
A friend of mine who I ran around and got in trouble with after high school reconnected with me and joined me in the Gym. We have become as close as when we were kids, if not closer. She is a big help in my quest. She doesn't take any shit or excuses.
Through the Holidays I kept eating healthy. I went to the gym 3 days a week. In the last 2 months of the year I missed 2 gym sessions. I even joined a YMCA for a week when we visited Wonder Wife's family for Christmas. When we visited my brother for Thanksgiving I did 2 workouts in 40 degrees in the park by his house.
As of January 1st 2016 I have lost 20 lbs. and I am fitting into clothes better and I am feeling more confident in my abilities to face the road ahead. I know this was a long post and I appreciate anyone who may have read it to completion. I will be putting up another post soon to jump into 2016.
Till next time.
