State of the Batcave 2015

Welcome to 2016 Bat-fam!

2015 was a very rough yet informative year. I am still standing. I feel better than I have in a long time. This year was a wake up call and this post is a tribute to the year and the events and people that got me through it. Buckle up. This may get long.

I started off 2015 with a goal and a blog. I wanted to be like Batman. I wanted to get in shape and become an optimized version of myself. Like most New Year's resolutions this fell apart around February or March. I kept up with the blog a little less. I stopped going to the gym as much. I ate a burger here and there. I didn't take the time to change that I needed.

At the end of April, everything changed. I was at a gaming convention with Wonder Wife. It was the first one she had ever attended. We were going to have a fun night drinking and playing games with friends. Life had a different plan in mind. We got a call from my sister-in-law that went to voicemail because it was too loud to talk. Then a little bit later we got a text. My Father-in-law passed away.

This is hard for me to say. "Passed away" seems more welcome and expected to me. This was a sudden life altering event for my family. This wonderful man was torn from our lives unexpectedly. I had only known my Father in Law for a brief time.  In that time, I wanted nothing more than to be the man he was for his daughters and the rest of his friends and family. I wanted to be him more than I wanted to be Batman.

My Father in Law worked hard and put his family and friends before anything. He was stubborn and opinionated, and fiercely loyal. He had a love of classic cars that awed me. I wanted to learn so much from him that I never got the chance. I had looked forward to spending many years with him teaching my sons what it meant to be a man. He is a role model for everything that I would like my children to become and I wish I was.

The next month went by so fast that I hardly noticed what had happened with me. My start of the year was a good start. But, I wasn't taking any of it as serious as I should. I stopped taking my depression medication. I also gained back every pound I had lost. I updated my blog a little. But, mostly I felt ashamed to be updating a blog about fitness when I wasn't even trying.

My father in laws passing prompted me to plan a visit with my own father. Robin had yet to meet either grandfather. Now he would never get the chance to meet one of them. SO, we packed up the car and drove to Texas. Nightwing and I went to Dallas with my father and saw the site of JFK's assassination and went to a Rangers game. We all went to a park and we spent  a lot of time at the house hanging out.

This is when I got a dose of my second revelation for the year. My dad was not present throughout my life. He was deployed, or working, or eventually, in another state. I know he loves me and my boys. But, until I had children I spoke with him maybe once or twice a year. This is as much my fault as it is his. But, I genuinely struggle to know what to say to him.

I learned this FROM him. He was always the "strong silent" type. His Father is much the same. I have probably heard my grandfather speak a grand total of 25 words in my life.  When we speak now we say I love you at the end of the conversation. The first time I heard him say this I was probably 22. My brother talks to him about as much as I used to, and wouldn't speak to him for years.

My father was not at my wedding. We even offered to pay for his flight if money was an issue. It was that important to me to have him there. I never told him this. So, I guess it is my fault. My father in law cried as he walked his daughter down the aisle. It was the only time I had ever seen him cry, and my wife isn't sure she ever saw him cry before either. This difference has had a huge effect on me. It is one of the most powerful memories I have of him. I have only spoken with my father twice since I left Texas last summer.

Between the end of April and mid October I saw doctors and got blood work and check ups more than I probably have in my entire life. My wife told me that if I died she would kill me. This brought everything into focus. I resumed my depression medication. I started taking Nexium for my frequent heartburn. I started taking multi vitamins for my wife's piece of mind. I also got back to a website I had enjoyed in the past called Nerd Fitness.  I updated my blog with a  little admission of guilt.

I started a program from the website called Nerd Fitness Academy. It lets you do things as you need to. I followed the steps slowly but surely. On Halloween, I set an early resolution to commit to losing weight and getting healthy. I also started seeing a therapist to get my mind right. I posted on Facebook to let all my friends and family know that I might not be eating cookies and I might be carrying a water bottle everywhere I go. I got  A LOT of positive feedback.

A friend of mine who I ran around and got in trouble with after high school reconnected with me and joined me in the Gym. We have become as close as when we were kids, if not closer. She is a big help in my quest. She doesn't take any shit or excuses.

Through the Holidays I kept eating healthy. I went to the gym 3 days a week. In the last 2 months of the year I missed 2 gym sessions. I even joined a YMCA for a week when we visited Wonder Wife's family  for Christmas. When we visited my brother for Thanksgiving I did 2 workouts in 40 degrees in the park by his house.

As of January 1st 2016 I have lost 20 lbs. and I am fitting into clothes better and I am feeling more confident in my abilities to face the road ahead. I know this was a long post and I appreciate anyone who may have read it to completion. I will be putting up another post soon to jump into 2016.

Till next time.

The Wonder of Boys #3: Holy Robins Batdad.....

A little further down the road Wonder Wife and I decided an addition to our batty family was in order. So, we made a baby. Robin was so happy he could hardly contain himself. He wanted to name the baby and do things for Wonder Wife and help in any way possible. That is the Boy Wonder I (we) raised.

One day Robin came to me with a serious look on his face. By this time we knew we were having a boy. He looked at me and said, “Dad? When the baby gets here can I be Nightwing? But the red one not the blue one. Because red is my favorite color.” I was on the verge of laughter and tears of joy.

“Of Course you can.” I said 

“… and the baby will be the new Robin like Tim Drake or Jason Todd”

“Absolutely!” I couldn’t have been prouder.

Pregnancy went well. Wonder Wife is a Hot Mama. Nightwing took his role very seriously. Big Brother was the most important role he would play up to this point. He asked questions and took on more responsibilities around the house (which was growing smaller by the second). That Halloween we both went as Ninjas and Joked that Robin was the best ninja of all because he was hiding in mommy’s belly.

When the baby Robin arrived Nightwing wanted to hold him immediately. So we set up some pillows and he held his brother for the first time. I was holding back tears of joy. I hoped that love between them will never end. When we took Robin home we had Nightwing sit in the back and keep an eye on him. When he got in the car he said the most awesome nerd thing ever: “ Dad? Is this Big Brother level 3?”

“Level 3?”

“Yeah, I held the baby. I got to carry him [2 feet]. Now watching him in the car is level 3 right?”

“Sure.”

Again….so much pride. He will have so much to teach Robin.

The Wonder of Boys # 2: Robin Earns His Wings

 

A Batty Family

Dick Grayson's love for Wonder Girlfriend played a big part in my asking her to marry me.The way he acted around her and the way they loved one another was a sign for me that everything would be OK. I wish he could have been there for the proposal. But, he was with us every step of the way to the wedding.

Wonder Fiance's sister had been engaged for a while and so we were scheduling around her wedding as well. It gave us some time to get everyone used to being a mixed/blended/whatever family. Our Robin had 2 more birthdays and we watched him grow into  a somewhat introverted little boy. He wasn't as social as I would have liked. But he loved those he was social with very much.

As part of his "training" I had him speak to the people at the cash register when we would go places or say hi to people as long as I was around. He begrudgingly did this. We also got him into Cub Scouts around this time. My hope was this would make him more social with kids his age.

Unfortunately the parent politics of cub scouting interfered with the kids having as much fun as they should. I don't think the kids noticed. But, there was a lot of exclusion and  "team switching" to and from other dens happening. I got kinda sour on the whole experience. Robin got his Bobcat, Tiger and Bear patches. But we didn't continue into Webelos because of the bad experiences and almost impossible work schedules I had at the time.

During the wedding planning Wonder Fiance and I both did our best to make sure that our Robin had some input. He was a part of the Ceremony. Wonder Wife read vows to him . He poured his own color sand in the sand ceremony where we combined our lives. Having him in pictures that would normally be my new bride and myself alone made my heart melt. Seeing how happy she was to have him there made me cry. We made time for ourselves of course. But, we truly made a new family that day. I know that Robin felt like he had a whole new family too. He gained a stepmother, aunts, an uncle, a new set of grandparents, and most important of all new cousins.

It was the happiest I had been since he was born. I felt like I finally had some stability for him and us.

The Wonder of Boys #1: How Batdad got his first sidekick

 

 

 How do I raise a child?

When I was almost 25 years old a little boy saved my life. I didn't  realize it at the time. I didn't  realize it for quite a while. Nevertheless, it happened.  My Dick Grayson wasn't adopted. He was born in October  of 2005 to my (now ex) wife .

I had been lucky enough to have some  practice with my ex-wife's older son. But, this baby thing was different. Between the age of 18-25 I had gained about 130 lbs. I lost about 80 after my son was born. I also realize now that young Dick was a very easy baby. We would cuddle and nap with each other for hours.

He is and was a very kind-hearted child. He shares my love of super heroes and fantasy.I am unsure how much of this is my doing or how much he really is into it. Sharing these interests is one of the few things i know how to bond with him over.

I am a little socially awkward sometimes  and learning to relate to a child is sometimes  the most difficult  thing in the world, despite my origins (and some would say my current mental state) as a child. I worry about him. I don't want him to live through  any of the bad stuff I did. I do know full well that he will have his own bad stuff to deal with. That is okay. I will help him through it.

How Dick Grayson became Robin

He was around  3 when I left his mom. I hate saying it that way because it feels very deadbeat dad. It happens to be the truth  though.  I moved out of the house and left her the car, and nearly everything  to get out of a situation  I still feel neither of us were happy in. That was something  I  didn't want for my son.

The first couple of years were rough. I wasn't financially  stable  or mentally and emotionally  stable some of the time. I didn't get to see him as often as I wished I could.  I made bad relationship  choices  and bad life choices  in and out of those relationships. The custody battle got ugly. At the time I was just trying to see my son. I was  a little  selfish about it and I lost any love and admiration from the aforementioned step-son that I ever had in the first place.

 The custody agreement we ended up with was not one I am happy with. The judge said I could have him weekends and his mother would have full custody. She thought that she deserved to be able to see him on weekends too. So, I get him three weekends for every one she gets. Normally this would be great. I would get to spend entire weekends raising this young man. Unfortunately my career choice involves a lot of working weekends. In the beginning this resulted in me spending almost no time with him because I couldn't afford to not go to work. I also still had no place to live where he had a room or I felt comfortable having him stay. This resulted in many nights at grandmas house where we both slept on the couch. This went on for a few years.

During this time I met Wonder Wife when she was still Wonder Single Woman. We dated. I made bad life choices. We stopped dating. I made more bad life choices that almost hurt my chances of ever seeing my son again. I became friends with Wonder Single Woman. She rescued me from my bad life choices and we started dating again. For the first time in a long time, I felt like having my son around was safe and right.

I moved into Wonder Girlfriend's one bedroom apartment and began having my son stay the night occasionally. Soon after we got a 2 bedroom apartment a block away. He had his own room. This was so big for us. Wonder Girlfriend and Dick Grayson got along great. He would take her side over mine sometimes, which made me more happy than I let on. But, we were still on the same page when it came to super heroes and wrestling, and tomfoolery. It was around this time we decided that he was the Robin to my Batdad. He deserved to wear that mantle. He had been through a lot by this point and he was only 5 years old.