Behind every great Batdad is a Wonder Wife: 10 ways to show your Love for her.

Warning: This post is a little more curse word friendly than usual. Though I don’t care how that makes me look or sound. I don’t want to offend anyone without getting to know them first. So, if your delicate ears will catch on fire you may want to skip this.

Let me start off by saying I am a mess. Mentally, emotionally, physically, financially, and any other part of life that can be had is usually a catastrophe and in shambles for me. I am often surprised by my survival, health and general well-being at the ripe old age of mid 30 something. Anything that I do well or have my shit together on was likely inspired (demanded) by my wife.  I resist her requests (orders) with every fiber of my being.  But, when I give in, I am usually better for it.

This one is for all of us idiot guys who don’t get how lucky we are. Writing this out has already helped me appreciate what I have.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

I have been guilty of being an inactive husband and father at times. That needs to stop. I need to view love as an action verb, not simply a noun. I need to initiate love by taking action that shows Wonder Wife how much she is loved and appreciated on a regular basis. So, I am setting a new goal to focus on the things she does or says and how they have made me the man I have always wanted to be.

The list is long and extensive. But, nearly every good thing I have in life at this moment is a byproduct of my falling in love with the most Wonderful Wife for me. Now it is time for me to show her by acting on the love I have.

HOW do I love she? Let me count the ways…..but stop around 10.

Lighten the Load

Wonder Wife has been bugging me to sort out a list of chores and duties around the house so we know who does what and don’t have to argue about it. I have been putting it off because looking at the list gives me anxiety. Responsibility is like a crushing weight on my soul. I always start thinking of ways I could mess up and make everything worse. It freezes me in my tracks. No more. I am taking on the list knowing that the more I take on the more of my time gets to be spent with her.

Date Night

This is hard with a one year old Robin in the house. Babysitters are not a dime a dozen and they require notice and money. This on top of the expense of an actual date makes date night a full on special ops mission. But, I need to spend time with my wife away from children.

Pay Attention….. Hey YOU!!!! Over here!

Ever get a little spot of pee on the floor? I know…It was late. I was sleepy. My wife hates it. Clean it up. Don’t ask for recognition. One of these days she will notice that she hasn’t had to wipe pee off the floor in weeks and she will smile. In my case it may be after we are done potty Training. But, here’s hoping.

Also listen when she says things she wants. This is a rare opportunity that I kick yourself for missing when I ask her what she would like for her birthday and she says “We don’t have the money for presents for me. Don’t get me anything.” She is NOT being truthful.

Back Her Play

I am really bad at this sometimes. Keep disagreements away from the kids. Be honest and communicative, and support her decisions (yes, even that one!) This also involves how others perceive our relationship. I need to stop making jokes at her expense. Never point out flaws. Everyone else needs to know why I put her on a pedestal.

Be Present

I love my gadgets, and they love me. Don’t they? They don’t? Well Shit. Maybe I should spend more time with my toys put away and my wife in my arms talking about our day. I think she might like that. I know I would.

Be the Fucking Man!

This will be the most misogynistic part of this post. I promise. But, she has said to me many times  “But, you are the guy. Not me”. This means that I need to embrace some gender roles I have normally shunned.

So, fix the sink today. Mow the lawn. Trim the hedges. Climb up on the roof and hang that ghost decoration from the gutter. Risk life and limb to be manly and do shit that men do. (Insert Tim Allen grunt) Unfortunately this doesn’t extend to other manly tasks like poop jokes and burping contests. Weird right?

Be Patient

This one is hard. I am always in a hurry. I am always figuring out something to do or doing something. I need shit done when I want it done. She doesn’t. But, guess what? She wants shit done when she wants it done too…..I don’t always do it. Did you know my wife, despite her Wonderfulness, is in fact human and is deserving of the patience I so often wear thin on her?

Take Care of Yourself

This one is my favorite. Cause I am a human being and therefore selfish. I cannot show my wife I love her for the next 50 years if I only live for another 20. This does not mean playing video games and “treating” myself. I need to be Healthy and functioning for US.

Be a Leader

I need to take the initiative more often. I rely entirely too much on her to define the standards of our relationship. I now see how exhausting that is. I don’t mean I should turn into Hitler. I mean I should lead as a servant can. Be the example of how I would like to be treated. It is a very spiritual leadership.

Don’t Pick Up the Rope

We all have arguments. We need to stop engaging in them to the extent we damage relationships. I am SUPER BAD at this. I troll people on Facebook and I start fights based on principles I have that I feel are important. I have lost some relationships in the past that were way more important than the fights I lost them over. Every relationship has these fights and speed bumps. If I find myself in a lull in the fight and I think of another reason my way is right…..I start right back in.  I pick up that fucking rope we have been tugging at and PULL. This isn’t necessary.

SO these are 10 things I am gonna try to make my relationship better. Hopefully by this time next year I will be telling you my top 10 sex tips cause of all the awesome sex I will be having because I am a better husband. I will pretty much be a master at it by then. I hope to see you soon Bat-Fam!

The Wonder of Boys #3: Holy Robins Batdad.....

A little further down the road Wonder Wife and I decided an addition to our batty family was in order. So, we made a baby. Robin was so happy he could hardly contain himself. He wanted to name the baby and do things for Wonder Wife and help in any way possible. That is the Boy Wonder I (we) raised.

One day Robin came to me with a serious look on his face. By this time we knew we were having a boy. He looked at me and said, “Dad? When the baby gets here can I be Nightwing? But the red one not the blue one. Because red is my favorite color.” I was on the verge of laughter and tears of joy.

“Of Course you can.” I said 

“… and the baby will be the new Robin like Tim Drake or Jason Todd”

“Absolutely!” I couldn’t have been prouder.

Pregnancy went well. Wonder Wife is a Hot Mama. Nightwing took his role very seriously. Big Brother was the most important role he would play up to this point. He asked questions and took on more responsibilities around the house (which was growing smaller by the second). That Halloween we both went as Ninjas and Joked that Robin was the best ninja of all because he was hiding in mommy’s belly.

When the baby Robin arrived Nightwing wanted to hold him immediately. So we set up some pillows and he held his brother for the first time. I was holding back tears of joy. I hoped that love between them will never end. When we took Robin home we had Nightwing sit in the back and keep an eye on him. When he got in the car he said the most awesome nerd thing ever: “ Dad? Is this Big Brother level 3?”

“Level 3?”

“Yeah, I held the baby. I got to carry him [2 feet]. Now watching him in the car is level 3 right?”

“Sure.”

Again….so much pride. He will have so much to teach Robin.

The Wonder of Boys # 2: Robin Earns His Wings

 

A Batty Family

Dick Grayson's love for Wonder Girlfriend played a big part in my asking her to marry me.The way he acted around her and the way they loved one another was a sign for me that everything would be OK. I wish he could have been there for the proposal. But, he was with us every step of the way to the wedding.

Wonder Fiance's sister had been engaged for a while and so we were scheduling around her wedding as well. It gave us some time to get everyone used to being a mixed/blended/whatever family. Our Robin had 2 more birthdays and we watched him grow into  a somewhat introverted little boy. He wasn't as social as I would have liked. But he loved those he was social with very much.

As part of his "training" I had him speak to the people at the cash register when we would go places or say hi to people as long as I was around. He begrudgingly did this. We also got him into Cub Scouts around this time. My hope was this would make him more social with kids his age.

Unfortunately the parent politics of cub scouting interfered with the kids having as much fun as they should. I don't think the kids noticed. But, there was a lot of exclusion and  "team switching" to and from other dens happening. I got kinda sour on the whole experience. Robin got his Bobcat, Tiger and Bear patches. But we didn't continue into Webelos because of the bad experiences and almost impossible work schedules I had at the time.

During the wedding planning Wonder Fiance and I both did our best to make sure that our Robin had some input. He was a part of the Ceremony. Wonder Wife read vows to him . He poured his own color sand in the sand ceremony where we combined our lives. Having him in pictures that would normally be my new bride and myself alone made my heart melt. Seeing how happy she was to have him there made me cry. We made time for ourselves of course. But, we truly made a new family that day. I know that Robin felt like he had a whole new family too. He gained a stepmother, aunts, an uncle, a new set of grandparents, and most important of all new cousins.

It was the happiest I had been since he was born. I felt like I finally had some stability for him and us.

The Wonder of Boys #1: How Batdad got his first sidekick

 

 

 How do I raise a child?

When I was almost 25 years old a little boy saved my life. I didn't  realize it at the time. I didn't  realize it for quite a while. Nevertheless, it happened.  My Dick Grayson wasn't adopted. He was born in October  of 2005 to my (now ex) wife .

I had been lucky enough to have some  practice with my ex-wife's older son. But, this baby thing was different. Between the age of 18-25 I had gained about 130 lbs. I lost about 80 after my son was born. I also realize now that young Dick was a very easy baby. We would cuddle and nap with each other for hours.

He is and was a very kind-hearted child. He shares my love of super heroes and fantasy.I am unsure how much of this is my doing or how much he really is into it. Sharing these interests is one of the few things i know how to bond with him over.

I am a little socially awkward sometimes  and learning to relate to a child is sometimes  the most difficult  thing in the world, despite my origins (and some would say my current mental state) as a child. I worry about him. I don't want him to live through  any of the bad stuff I did. I do know full well that he will have his own bad stuff to deal with. That is okay. I will help him through it.

How Dick Grayson became Robin

He was around  3 when I left his mom. I hate saying it that way because it feels very deadbeat dad. It happens to be the truth  though.  I moved out of the house and left her the car, and nearly everything  to get out of a situation  I still feel neither of us were happy in. That was something  I  didn't want for my son.

The first couple of years were rough. I wasn't financially  stable  or mentally and emotionally  stable some of the time. I didn't get to see him as often as I wished I could.  I made bad relationship  choices  and bad life choices  in and out of those relationships. The custody battle got ugly. At the time I was just trying to see my son. I was  a little  selfish about it and I lost any love and admiration from the aforementioned step-son that I ever had in the first place.

 The custody agreement we ended up with was not one I am happy with. The judge said I could have him weekends and his mother would have full custody. She thought that she deserved to be able to see him on weekends too. So, I get him three weekends for every one she gets. Normally this would be great. I would get to spend entire weekends raising this young man. Unfortunately my career choice involves a lot of working weekends. In the beginning this resulted in me spending almost no time with him because I couldn't afford to not go to work. I also still had no place to live where he had a room or I felt comfortable having him stay. This resulted in many nights at grandmas house where we both slept on the couch. This went on for a few years.

During this time I met Wonder Wife when she was still Wonder Single Woman. We dated. I made bad life choices. We stopped dating. I made more bad life choices that almost hurt my chances of ever seeing my son again. I became friends with Wonder Single Woman. She rescued me from my bad life choices and we started dating again. For the first time in a long time, I felt like having my son around was safe and right.

I moved into Wonder Girlfriend's one bedroom apartment and began having my son stay the night occasionally. Soon after we got a 2 bedroom apartment a block away. He had his own room. This was so big for us. Wonder Girlfriend and Dick Grayson got along great. He would take her side over mine sometimes, which made me more happy than I let on. But, we were still on the same page when it came to super heroes and wrestling, and tomfoolery. It was around this time we decided that he was the Robin to my Batdad. He deserved to wear that mantle. He had been through a lot by this point and he was only 5 years old.

Book Club On Hold

Maybe it was a little ambitious to start a Book Club when I hadn't received my first comment yet. So, I will stick to trying to deliver content people want to read instead.

 If anyone is interested in the Book club email me and we can have a conversation about the book.

I did in fact finish reading it. But, I don't feel like writing book reports.

SO, back to our regularly scheduled Programs.

Batdad's Book Club:Level One of Ready Player One by Ernest Cline

Ready Player One: Level One 

Two weeks ago I laid out the first assignment for Batdad's Book Club. I decided to read Ready Player One by Ernest Cline. It is a Sci_Fi novel set in both a dystopian future and a virtual utopia. The book follows Wade Watts as he hunts for the ultimate video game Easter Egg.

Our Story So Far

The first Assignment was to read Level One (chapters 0000-0016). After reading the Chapters I noticed a natural story break at the end of chapter 0008. So I will separate this section into two parts (Level 1-1 and Level 1-2. I tried to stay light on spoilers. So, hopefully you read the book.

Prologue Level 1-0 (0000)

In the prologue the narrator recaps the entirety of the will of James Halliday, the inventor of the OASIS and avid 80's pop culture enthusiast. He tells everyone he has hidden an easter egg inside the OASIS. and that the winner of the hunt will receive his fortune and his company.There is a brief history of the hunt's immediate popularity and the waning popularity over 5 years until only a dedicated group of Egg Hunters (Gunters) remain. The last thing we find out is that the narrator found the first gate and this is his story.

Level 1-1 (0001-0008)

In this part of the story there is a ton of world/character building. The first chapter introduces us to a world where trailer homes are stacked in makeshift high rises and the world is very bleak. We also learn a little bit about the history of Wade Watts in this less than hospitable world. 

The second chapter introduces us to Parzival, Wade's avatar, and the world of the OASIS. We learn about the sinister IOI Sixers (see what I did there?),corporate sponsored gunters looking to gain the prize for their employers. Wade also mentions a blogger he reads religiously and seems to have developed a crush on named Art3mis.

Chapter 0003 takes us to The Basement, a chat room created by Parzival's only friend, Aech. There is an awesome interaction between the two of them that made me think of all the nerduments I have gotten in with friends in the past.

In Chapter 0004 we learn about the parameters and scope of the OASIS. It is shaped like a Rubik's cube with 27 sectors each containing hundreds of planets. Each sector cube is exactly 10 light hours across so teleportation is the best means of travel available, but also costly.

Chapter 0005 provides us with a history of the creation of the OASIS including a little background on James Halliday. It explains the rise of the virtual world to the point where most of the human race now spent all their free time inside.

Chapter 0006 sees Wade giving us a run down of Annorak's Almanac. The references in this small chapter are staggering. It is basically a list of everything James Halliday likes that Wade has watched, studied, listened to,played, etc... to prepare him for any contingency in the Hunt.. The riddle from the will is also repeated in the almanac. Wade also found a limerick hidden in the text with notched letters. It spoke of finding a copper key in a tomb filled with horrors and taking a place among the high scorers.

Chapter 0007 has us in Wades Latin class and a translation of discere sets the wheels in motion for Wade to discover the first gate in the hunt. He finds a picture perfect recreation of the Tomb of Horrors D&D module on the planet where he goes to school. He gets a pass to attend a sporting event the school is participating in near the entrance and gets a voucher to teleport there. He straps his shield on and enters the Tomb.

Chapter 0008 reads like a guy running through a module he already has read. Wade sidesteps traps and collects gear. But, his worry is facing the Lich at the end of the adventure. His avatar is only 3rd level. It turns out not to be the case. He defeats the lich in a very different challenge and obtains the copper key and the next riddle. As he is running to the door footsteps approach.

Level 1-2 (0009-0016)

The other avatar is that of Art3mis. Wade recognizes her right away.There is some banter and discussion about the hunt. The two exchange info while Parzival tries to keep the secret of defeating the lich. As he is about to leave she yells at him and he checks the high score board, and there his name sits atop it. Art3mis casts a barrier spell so he cant leave and the two of them talk about what this means. Parzival gives her a tip for the challenge and he watches until the barrier dissipates and runs out the door.

Next the hunt takes us to one of the hometowns Halliday created in the OASIS. 1 of 256 copies of it to be exact. He finds Halliday's child hood home.  When he gets there Art3mis' name pops up on the high score list with 1000 less points than him. He plays a video game on James Halliday's old TRS-80 computer to reveal the first gate.

Parzival completes the challenge waiting for him inside the gate and a new riddle appears.By this time Wade realizes he has been awake for hours. He logs off and falls asleep in his hideout. He dreams of people charging toward him and tearing him to shreds to get to the egg. A bit of foreshadowing maybe.

Wade wakes up and logs back in and watches an interview with Ogden Morrow, the co creator of the OASIS, and Halliday's oldest friend. There is a brief history of his place in the world and how he had a falling out with Halliday. Aech calls Wade and informs him he figured out where the first key is. Wade wishes him luck and then reads an email from Artemis who had also finished the first gate while Wade slept. He responds and then begins studying the second riddle. But, his mind drifts back to Art3mis.

Aech made it through the first gate now. Soon after  another gunter tried to blackmail wade and Aech. He let the cat out of the bag on where they both went to school and shortly after the names Daito and Shoto appeared on the scoreboard. Endorsement offers come rolling in for Wade's avatar offering payment in OASIS credits.IOI also contacted him every minute since his name went up on the board. We are given a brief introduction to Nolan Sorrento, Head of Operations at IOI. They are trying to recruit Parzival. He agrees to the interview so he can tell them where to stick it.

Parzival arrives at the virtual offices of IOI and is immediately met by Sorrento. He gives him a sales pitch about joining IOI. Parzival denies 3 separate offers and then Sorrento drops a bombshell on him literally and figuratively. His home is destroyed. An explosion collapses his stack. Wade logs back in to warn Aech.

When he gets a hold of Aech, the Sixers are swarming Ludus, Parzival's school planet ,looking for the 1st key.They decide it is a goods idea to get Art3mis, Shoto and Daito together to warn them. We also find out that people are calling them the High Five. They watch as the sixers set up camp around the first keys tomb and discuss the threat on all their lives and decide to part ways with mutual respect but not working together.

The scoreboard began to fill up with Sixer ID  numbers. The gunter clans begin to assault the sixer encampment.Wade sets out on the road. He gets a bus ticket and creates a new identity.When he arrives in Columbus, headquarters of GSS, the company that runs the OASIS, and also real life HQ for IOI, he catches a cab to his new apartment. He makes a vow to not go outside until he finds the egg.

Discussion Questions

• sixers have experts that they can swap out for different challenges allowing them to farm copies of the key and pass through the gates with ease. What makes wade so special that he did it on his own?
• Daito mentions that any one of them ( High Five) could be a sixer spy....any guesses if that is true or who it is?
• Did Wade make the right decision in calling Sorrento's "bluff"?
•  Wade says he designed his avatar’s face and body to look more or less like his own. Then he lists a string of things that are different.  Has the OASIS warped his self perception?
• Anonymity is a big part of the OASIS.Now the internet seems to be a place where we flaunt our true identities. It wasn’t always that way. Do you think we’ll revert to more anonymity one day?
• The world setting is very bleak outside of the OASIS. Is this a future you see happening? If so will it happen by 2044?
• The OASIS becomes a part of daily life for users around the globe. What virtual realms (Google,Facebook, flickr) do you depend on? Is it dangerous to mix profit and dependence on technology?
• How does public school in the OASIS compare to your experience in school? Has author Ernest Cline created a solution to classroom overcrowding, student apathy, and school violence?

and 3 questions that will be asked throughout the book club...

• Is Wade a strong main character? Did you like him? Find him believable? Interesting?
• Were there any passages or scenes that you remember well or particularly liked? Were you surprised?
   
• Do you Have any Questions?

 

Bonus Level

The film rights were purchased by Warner Bros. the same day Cline finalized his publishing deal with Random House, one year prior to the novel's publication. Steven Spielberg signed on to direct in March 2015.

Hope to see everyone again in 2 weeks for the end of level two.